Making the Difference: Conformity or Assertiveness?
I have always felt that we live in a Pavlovian world, for we live our lives with the conditioned response to the demands made upon us by others and by a man-made environment, limiting autonomous creative and free-flowing intercourse among people and their environment.The individual freedom that we realize through personal interdependence on people and the environment gets diluted when you are not allowed to be yourself.This predicament can only be changed if we as individuals awaken to the fact that each person’s world is determined by his own perspective of the environment ,which most often we take it as given and certain. The conventional perspective constrains and prevents individuals’ from being themselves and looks at the world around them in newer and meaningful ways.
When you live in a convivial environment, that is dynamic, being individualistic poses quite a few problems. The individual freedom, freedom of thought and expression gets diluted as we experience a paradigm shift in the way we look at events and people around us and put others before self. While the urge to be ME grows stronger, the very objective of being assertive loses its significance when empathy, understanding and compassion get subsumed in our conscious. This metamorphosis dictates our behavior, attitude, thoughts, actions, as it facilitates a smooth and stress-free life.
Am I then advocating conformity as a rule rather than an exception? Can conformity nurture self-expression and freedom of thought and action? Is it a guiding principle that has to be followed? While the answer is non-affirmative, my personal experiences have made me walk the tight-rope and made me stick to the acceptable “norm of conformity” to my own chagrin and peril.
It is this very adherence to the “norm of conformity” that has made me run into many rough weathers ‘in life. This adherence is taken as my weakness, and vulnerability rather than my willingness to forsake self to appease others. The empathy that flows out of this is neither understood nor appreciated. We see instances of these in our everyday lives making us ponder over the issue of “conformity” and “assertiveness”. When you transcend from the assertive mode to the conformity mode, I must agree that you are looked upon as a convivial person.
This brings us to the question isn’t this self-transcending capability is what we need to build a convivial society? Or is it the way our self-assertive tendency takes the upper hand to establish its supremacy? The answer to this can be traced in history, in fact in our own backyard. Wasn’t this self-transcending attitude of Mahatma Gandhi a vehicle for his self-assertiveness which in the end set us free? Or Mother Theresa to achieve what she set out to?
On introspection, I have come to understand that being self-assertive requires accountability and the courage of conviction contrary to the belief that those “who want to break free” are blind to their environment and people around them. To achieve equilibrium in our lives, and relationships, as I have come to terms with, requires a paradigm shift , for when we start to see the world around us through the eyes of others, it brings with it immense joy and smiles on faces. Isn’t this what we all strive for !!!!!!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Being that as it may !!!!!!
Being that as it may
Being that as it may…. The phrase takes me back in time… the time when I was at the University pursuing my post graduation in economics…..it’s a phrase, one of my favourite professor used most often…..to stress a point…to scuttle a discussion..to get out of tight corners…. He used it most effectively. Since then the phrase has stuck on me. And as I reflect, it truly sums up the life around us… we all tend to use the phrase in our day to day lives without even knowing that we’re using the power of the phrase so intensely.
Being that as it may… you may be wondering as to what am I talking about…( I have already used it to my advantage now isn’t it?) Being that as it may allows you to get on with life without getting bogged down by any adversity, ennui, tribulations, apprehensions, and any predicament that you may be in at any given point in time. Imagine, a situation like, for instance , a relationship that you have had for a long time and cherished suddenly leaves you high and dry bringing along with it loneliness, depression, anger, helplessness, a vacuum and a sense of futility… Most often this feeling lasts for a considerable period of time, but then as life unfolds and you get caught up with its quagmire, you tend to say, being that as it may, I still need to get on with life and the phase vanishes as it came.
Being that as it may…..We live in a society so full of contradictions, pretentions, masks, hypocrisy, permissiveness. There are times you tend to get exhausted by all this, especially when it affects the way you want to lead life; when they come in the way of excercising your rights; when you demand certain things to go the way you want them; when you want to assert yourself ; when people jump queues ; when someone annoys you while driving; when you are ignored for a promotion you are entitled to; when there are expectations on you to perform and deliver; when you need to keep up with peer pressure; when you cannot be yourself; but then most often you tend to tag the line, as there is no way you could control and unfold events around you to your liking and satisfaction, and say being that as it may and go on.
Being that as it may, imagine a situation, when someone close to you passes away. It leaves a vacuum in your life, you feel that the entire world has crashed on you; there’s a feeling of nothingness; you start to recall all the great moments you have shared with that person and even realize what a wonderful person that he was, but then all this lasts till the person is laid to rest or even for a certain period of time . The memory of the person remains lingers on for a while. But then being that as it may, you get on with life isn’t?
Being that as it may…. The phrase takes me back in time… the time when I was at the University pursuing my post graduation in economics…..it’s a phrase, one of my favourite professor used most often…..to stress a point…to scuttle a discussion..to get out of tight corners…. He used it most effectively. Since then the phrase has stuck on me. And as I reflect, it truly sums up the life around us… we all tend to use the phrase in our day to day lives without even knowing that we’re using the power of the phrase so intensely.
Being that as it may… you may be wondering as to what am I talking about…( I have already used it to my advantage now isn’t it?) Being that as it may allows you to get on with life without getting bogged down by any adversity, ennui, tribulations, apprehensions, and any predicament that you may be in at any given point in time. Imagine, a situation like, for instance , a relationship that you have had for a long time and cherished suddenly leaves you high and dry bringing along with it loneliness, depression, anger, helplessness, a vacuum and a sense of futility… Most often this feeling lasts for a considerable period of time, but then as life unfolds and you get caught up with its quagmire, you tend to say, being that as it may, I still need to get on with life and the phase vanishes as it came.
Being that as it may…..We live in a society so full of contradictions, pretentions, masks, hypocrisy, permissiveness. There are times you tend to get exhausted by all this, especially when it affects the way you want to lead life; when they come in the way of excercising your rights; when you demand certain things to go the way you want them; when you want to assert yourself ; when people jump queues ; when someone annoys you while driving; when you are ignored for a promotion you are entitled to; when there are expectations on you to perform and deliver; when you need to keep up with peer pressure; when you cannot be yourself; but then most often you tend to tag the line, as there is no way you could control and unfold events around you to your liking and satisfaction, and say being that as it may and go on.
Being that as it may, imagine a situation, when someone close to you passes away. It leaves a vacuum in your life, you feel that the entire world has crashed on you; there’s a feeling of nothingness; you start to recall all the great moments you have shared with that person and even realize what a wonderful person that he was, but then all this lasts till the person is laid to rest or even for a certain period of time . The memory of the person remains lingers on for a while. But then being that as it may, you get on with life isn’t?
You Are Special
The word SPECIAL has a “special “ place in everyone’s life. It’s such a beautiful word that we all like to use ever so often to describe an occasion, a person, an event, a menu, a festival, a place and the list goes on and on . However if you ponder over it and give it a careful and a serious thought, the very word has a SPECIAL meaning and a PURPOSE
Let us explore the different connotations and circumstances when we often tend to use the word “SPECIAL.” A wedding for instance is looked upon as a special occasion, a birthday for instance, a newly born baby in the family, a moment of glory in our academics or career, that special someone in our lives, a special dinner menu in a restaurant, a special gift. While the overt objective is to display our feelings, our happiness , doesn’t the word special convey the urge and eagerness to possess something, own something all for and by ourselves?
When a man or a woman tells the other that she or he is special what does that exactly mean? The person expressing such a sentiment wants that person all for himself. So how does it feel to be that special someone? We all would like to be that special someone in another’s life and thought isn’t? It makes us feel good, wanted, cared for, thought about, loved by the person who expresses the word “hey you are very special”. The person saying it wants you and also possess you.
When your employer says that you are special he is expressing the same feeling, that he does not want to lose you, not you as YOU, but what you bring in to the organization, you are just a vehicle through which your employer gains. He will possess you as long as you are useful to him.
Child birth is a special occasion in every family, for it’s a possession, an assertion to the world that you can keep the family tree and genealogy alive. But does that child who has walked into this world feel that he is special? Do we as parents make the child feel that he is special irrespective of how he shapes up in life, the way he wants to be and not the way we want him It seldom happens, because special always means that we want to own it the way we want it rather than the way it is.
Being that as it may, where does this lead us in life as individuals? When we succumb to the fact that we are being looked at as “SPECIAL” we lose our identity, our self worth, our individuality, for we are made to function and perform the way the others want us to . The moment we cease to appeal to the other person’s perceptions about you , we lose the “special” tag. Special is ephemeral, it is now right now, like a special festive menu in a restaurant, gratifying in the here and now. The tag does not really make you special, but only makes you a slave to someone’s fancy.
Are we then saying that the word special has no meaning at all whatsoever? As long as we , as individuals, believe that we are what we are only by our thoughts, actions, deeds, we will make this world a better place.
Let us explore the different connotations and circumstances when we often tend to use the word “SPECIAL.” A wedding for instance is looked upon as a special occasion, a birthday for instance, a newly born baby in the family, a moment of glory in our academics or career, that special someone in our lives, a special dinner menu in a restaurant, a special gift. While the overt objective is to display our feelings, our happiness , doesn’t the word special convey the urge and eagerness to possess something, own something all for and by ourselves?
When a man or a woman tells the other that she or he is special what does that exactly mean? The person expressing such a sentiment wants that person all for himself. So how does it feel to be that special someone? We all would like to be that special someone in another’s life and thought isn’t? It makes us feel good, wanted, cared for, thought about, loved by the person who expresses the word “hey you are very special”. The person saying it wants you and also possess you.
When your employer says that you are special he is expressing the same feeling, that he does not want to lose you, not you as YOU, but what you bring in to the organization, you are just a vehicle through which your employer gains. He will possess you as long as you are useful to him.
Child birth is a special occasion in every family, for it’s a possession, an assertion to the world that you can keep the family tree and genealogy alive. But does that child who has walked into this world feel that he is special? Do we as parents make the child feel that he is special irrespective of how he shapes up in life, the way he wants to be and not the way we want him It seldom happens, because special always means that we want to own it the way we want it rather than the way it is.
Being that as it may, where does this lead us in life as individuals? When we succumb to the fact that we are being looked at as “SPECIAL” we lose our identity, our self worth, our individuality, for we are made to function and perform the way the others want us to . The moment we cease to appeal to the other person’s perceptions about you , we lose the “special” tag. Special is ephemeral, it is now right now, like a special festive menu in a restaurant, gratifying in the here and now. The tag does not really make you special, but only makes you a slave to someone’s fancy.
Are we then saying that the word special has no meaning at all whatsoever? As long as we , as individuals, believe that we are what we are only by our thoughts, actions, deeds, we will make this world a better place.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Make the Difference
Make the Difference
Our World is dynamic, fast paced, stressful, competitive, aggressive, intimidating, materialistic, superficial, superfluous, contrived, hypocritical, cynical, opportunistic, and yet it is such a wonderful place to be in. Have we all wondered , at some point in time atleast, as to why our lives are so stressful. The possible answer to this is that we “ never stop for people” and never ever think of “making a difference” not only to our own lives but also others.’
Can we remember as to when was the last time that we ever said “good morning and how are you” to either the cab driver who picks us up in the morning or the elevator operator, or the person who cleans our desk every night after we leave our offices, or the security guard at our workplace, or the conservancy worker who keeps our streets and roads clean and clear of all the garbage that we dispose? We tend to take all these people for granted and never ever pause for a moment to even smile at them…They are as human as we all are..in flesh and blood. There is dignity in what they are doing, for without them our lives would be even more stressful and cause a lot of anxiety.
It is a Monday morning, the beginning of our work week , we walk into our bank in a terrible hurry and demand expeditious service from the clerk at the desk, sadly we don’t even know their names, without even stopping for a moment to greet and wish them a wonderful day or ask as to how was their weekend. Notwithstanding our indifference to them, we want them to perform. And when they don’t we get grumpy and find them annoying….
Welcome to our World… a World that exists because we think that we exist… never realizing that we are only a tiny sum in that whole.. As much as we desire others to “stop “ and listen to us, take care of our needs, notice our mood swings, our need to have space, our urgency in getting a job done or reaching a destination, and our hunger for more and more in life and out of life, isn’t it time that we did the same .
Notwithstanding the above, our World is still beautiful because there are many who “Make all the Difference” to the lives of many. Making a difference is not a prerogative of a chosen few in this world,. It does not require us to stretch ourselves too far. As long as we STOP for people around us, we will make the difference.
Zig Zigler , the legendary sales trainer, has always advised people to face people , for as he rightly says “if you cannot face people, even if they are total strangers, you cannot face the world and you cannot win”. For instance let us look at the “elevator syndrome”, where the moment the door opens we all get in and show our backs to people, we never face each other. Make a beginning and start facing people and learn to greet them. For sometime everyone will think that you have flipped and may even be looked upon as being annoying. But over time you make the difference…. The elevator passenger is no longer a stranger… they become your buddies.
Does it take too much of an effort to say “ it’s a great day, good morning how are you doing” when you pick up the telephone than just mumble something mundane . Let the other person know that you are having a great day and wish the same for them and see the impact that you make.
Learn to greet the grumpy , irritable executive at the customer service desk and enquire as to how has the day been, bingo the executive will run a mile to get things done for you.
Making a difference in our everyday lives does not require us to be super humans… all it takes is a a gesture and a willingness to STOP , as everyone is as human as we are.
Our World is dynamic, fast paced, stressful, competitive, aggressive, intimidating, materialistic, superficial, superfluous, contrived, hypocritical, cynical, opportunistic, and yet it is such a wonderful place to be in. Have we all wondered , at some point in time atleast, as to why our lives are so stressful. The possible answer to this is that we “ never stop for people” and never ever think of “making a difference” not only to our own lives but also others.’
Can we remember as to when was the last time that we ever said “good morning and how are you” to either the cab driver who picks us up in the morning or the elevator operator, or the person who cleans our desk every night after we leave our offices, or the security guard at our workplace, or the conservancy worker who keeps our streets and roads clean and clear of all the garbage that we dispose? We tend to take all these people for granted and never ever pause for a moment to even smile at them…They are as human as we all are..in flesh and blood. There is dignity in what they are doing, for without them our lives would be even more stressful and cause a lot of anxiety.
It is a Monday morning, the beginning of our work week , we walk into our bank in a terrible hurry and demand expeditious service from the clerk at the desk, sadly we don’t even know their names, without even stopping for a moment to greet and wish them a wonderful day or ask as to how was their weekend. Notwithstanding our indifference to them, we want them to perform. And when they don’t we get grumpy and find them annoying….
Welcome to our World… a World that exists because we think that we exist… never realizing that we are only a tiny sum in that whole.. As much as we desire others to “stop “ and listen to us, take care of our needs, notice our mood swings, our need to have space, our urgency in getting a job done or reaching a destination, and our hunger for more and more in life and out of life, isn’t it time that we did the same .
Notwithstanding the above, our World is still beautiful because there are many who “Make all the Difference” to the lives of many. Making a difference is not a prerogative of a chosen few in this world,. It does not require us to stretch ourselves too far. As long as we STOP for people around us, we will make the difference.
Zig Zigler , the legendary sales trainer, has always advised people to face people , for as he rightly says “if you cannot face people, even if they are total strangers, you cannot face the world and you cannot win”. For instance let us look at the “elevator syndrome”, where the moment the door opens we all get in and show our backs to people, we never face each other. Make a beginning and start facing people and learn to greet them. For sometime everyone will think that you have flipped and may even be looked upon as being annoying. But over time you make the difference…. The elevator passenger is no longer a stranger… they become your buddies.
Does it take too much of an effort to say “ it’s a great day, good morning how are you doing” when you pick up the telephone than just mumble something mundane . Let the other person know that you are having a great day and wish the same for them and see the impact that you make.
Learn to greet the grumpy , irritable executive at the customer service desk and enquire as to how has the day been, bingo the executive will run a mile to get things done for you.
Making a difference in our everyday lives does not require us to be super humans… all it takes is a a gesture and a willingness to STOP , as everyone is as human as we are.
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